Anger, Teen Dating, teen health, Uncategorized

The Basics of a Healthy Relationship

If you are a victim of teen dating violence, it may be hard to talk about. Perhaps it isn’t you but you have observed a close friend experience abusive behavior by a boyfriend or girlfriend.

So, what makes a relationship healthy?
* Both people feel respected, supported, and valued
* Both people make decisions together
* Both people have friends and interests outside of the relationship
* Both people settle disagreements with open and honest communication
* Both people respect each other’s privacy and space

What makes a relationship unhealthy?
* One or both people try to change the other
* One person makes most or all of the decisions
* One or both people drop friends and interests outside of the relationship
* One or both people yell, threaten, hit, or throw things during arguments
* One or both people make fun of the other’s opinions or interests
* One or both people keep track of the other all the time by calling, texting, or checking in with friends

What can you do to prevent dating violence?

  1. First, take some time to think about how you want to be treated in a relationship.
  2. How do you want to feel about yourself when you with that person?
  3. Set boundaries about what is acceptable behavior
  4. Recognize the signs
  5. If you don’t feel comfortable telling the person you don’t like their behavior, ask for help. Talk to a friend, a parent, teacher, counselor, or someone you can trust.

Take moment to watch this short video about dating violence. Be sure to watch it to the end and scan the code. 🙂

Teen Dating Violence

To evaluate your relationship, take one of the quizzes below or share them with a friend.

Healthy Dating Quiz for Girls

Healthy Dating Relationship Quiz for Teen

Getting help is as simple as talking to a friend. Don’t be afraid, embarrassed, or ashamed to ask for help.

24/7 National U.S. Hotlines

Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

Trevor Lifeline (for LGBTQ* youth): 1-866-488-7386

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

National Runaway Safeline: 1-800-786-2929

National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233

National Hotline for Crime Victims: 1-855-484-2846

National Street Harassment Hotline: 1-855-897-5910

Teen Dating, teen health

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

Did you know that last year 1 in 10 teens who went out on a date were physically abused? The statistic includes boys who abused girls and girls who abused boys.

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. While every relationship is different, violence is violence and you should know the facts.

  • For high school students, 1 in 3 experience physical or sexual violence or both by someone they are dating.
  • Dating abuse is a public health issue that affects people of all ages, backgrounds, and identities
  • Studies report that dating violence and abuse has started as early as age 11
  • One in five teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
  • Nearly one in four girls who have been in a relationship (23%) reported going further sexually than they wanted as a result of pressure
  • One in three girls between the ages of 16 and 18 say sex is expected for people their age if they’re in a relationship; half of the teen girls who have experienced sexual pressure report they are afraid the relationship would break up if they did not give in.
  • One in two teens who have been in a serious relationship say they’ve gone against their beliefs in order to please their partner.

This lists of facts are endless and this post could go on for days. My point here is to get your attention, increase your awareness and help you to understand as to prevent you from becoming an abuser or becoming abused.

The subject is important to your health and wellbeing, so I’ve created a series for February. During the month of February, each weekly post will focus on Teen Dating Violence. So, what is dating violence/abuse?

Dating abuse is a pattern of physically, sexually, or emotionally abusive behavior over a period of time that is used to exert power and control over a current or past dating partner

Break The Cycle 2018

What do power and control look like in a relationship? Below are a few examples

  • Checking cell phones, emails or social networks without permission
  • Extreme jealousy or insecurity
  • Constant belittling or put-downs
  • Explosive temper
  • Isolation from family and friends
  • Making false accusations
  • Constant mood swings towards you
  • Physically inflicting pain or hurt in any way
  • Possessiveness
  • Telling someone what they can and cannot do
  • Repeatedly pressuring someone to have sex

The effects of an abusive relationship can impact your health. Someone who has experienced dating violence may struggle with depression, low self-confidence,  eating disorders, drug or alcohol abuse, or other violent relationships.

Someone who abuses their partner may experience, loss of respect from others, loneliness, trouble with the law, and, suspension from school.

The results of violence in a relationship are harmful to everyone. If you or someone you know is experiencing teen violence, please tell someone. Talk to your parents, a family member, your counselor, or another caring and responsible adult.

You can also get help from Loveisrespect. Loveisrespect is an organization that offers support and information for teens and their parents or friends who have concerns about dating relationships. To get in touch with a trained peer advocate, you can:

Call 1-866-331-9474
Text “loveis” to 22522
Chat online at

The next post will focus on tips and strategies on how to establish and maintain healthy relationships.

Sources:, http://www.8.miamidade.gove,


Seek Beauty In Your Broken Pieces

The average student frets earning an “F” on a school project, a weekly quiz, a unit test, or worse, failing a class. In my late teens, several times, I failed a required written test for Rickles. Rickles was an 80’s version of Home Depot. After a week or two of training, I could handle the register with ease, however, at the site of the exam, my heart raced like I had completed the 100-yard dash. Although I knew the content, I repeatedly froze and performed poorly on the exam. To get the job, I needed to pass the test.

A crack. A break. A defect. Imperfection. Busted. Broken. Early in life, we are positioned to see what is wrong and to prevent failure. When coloring with crayons, we are encouraged to stay inside the lines. When learning to ride a bicycle, we’re instructed to place both hands on the handlebars, so we don’t fall. Don’t run too fast, or you will fall. In elementary school, I remember easily crumbling a half-dozen loose-leaf notebook paper because I’d made a mistake and couldn’t completely erase my error. To get the job, I needed to pass the test.

I legitimately did my best. But my best wasn’t good enough nor was it meant to be. My mother saw my failure as a significant blemish on my young work record and a potential hurdle to future achievements. I was chastised as though my failure was intentional. I was laughed at. Inside I felt like a failure and questioned my intelligence. On the outside, I masked my shame and humiliation with laughter. I didn’t know that I would fail. Naivety convinced me that effort would always prevail. 

Looking back on my experience, I am confident that failing Rickel’s exam was the best thing for me. The failure was painful, but it changed the course of my life. My little hiccup temporarily derailed my confidence. I let it go and moved on. I discovered grit and tenacity. I grew stronger. 

I wish I knew about The Wisdom of KINTSUKUROI

Kintsukuroi is a Japanese word meaning, “to repair with gold.”

Kintsukuroi is a Japanese art that meticulously mends broken ceramics with gold. The repairs are made by hand using urushi lacquer, and the seam is highlighted with gold or other metals. The technique is designed to enhance the beauty of the flaws and is said to be made even more beautiful than it was originally.

With the tradition, beauty is derived from the broken and flawed pieces. We’re all scarred just the same. Some scars we display physically. Other blemishes are hidden and packaged neatly like a beautifully wrapped Christmas gift. We are scared from failed relationships, failed businesses, wrecked finances, chronic illness, battle scars from cancer, low GPA’s in high school and college, foreclosed homes, and more. Cyndie Speigal’s book of daily inspiration, wisdom, and courage reminds us:

You will fail.
You will fail.
You will break.
You will stand up and dust yourself off.
You will repair yourself again and again.
And eventually, though you will be different than before, you will again become whole.
You will be even more beautiful precisely because of all of this.
You will be a better person because of your imperfections, not in spite of them.

It’s 2019! Surely we will experience successes and failures in the New Year. Make a commitment today to allow yourself a moment to feel failure but to get back up and start over.

I will NOT be shaken.

Psalms 16:8

Happy New Year!!


If YOU Struggle In School…

Congratulations!! By now, you’ve completed your first few days of school.   You have a pretty good idea of what to expect for the school year and you know which classes are going to challenge you and which courses you think are going to be a breeze.

You may or may not have a feel for your teachers yet.  You might be aware of who is going to accept whatever work you put forth and which teacher will believe in you more than you believe in yourself.

Regardless, just do your best. You are starting the school year with a clean slate.  Know that during your 180 days, you going to experience good and bad days.

This video, 5:34 minutes long, made me think of you, so I am sharing it. Save it and refer back to it as often as you need to.




What Are You Willing To Give Up?

This video made me think of you. 😊

You may have heard the saying before, It is not where you come from; it’s where you are going that matters.

Watch and listen to this man’s amazing journey.

How To Go From Compton To Google

It may sound like a cliche but it is true. You can become whatever or whomever it is you want.

However, you must be willing to work hard and to sacrifice.

The question is, what are you willing to give up?

Anger, Uncategorized

Temper Tamer

When I was 17, I had a bad temper.  As long as you didn’t bother me, I was cool.  But as soon as you crossed the line, I went crazy.  Crossing the line meant, stepping on my shoes, bumping into me, pushing me or shoving me. Both my parents were hotheads.  So it was natural for me to over-react to situations.

In high school, I was an average student.  I underperformed and could have earned better grades.

During my senior year, I appeared to be happy.  On the outside, I smiled often but internally, I felt uptight and knotted up.  I hid my problems from everyone.  I did not know that I should have asked for help.

A week before Thanksgiving, my dad died and a lot changed at home. My mom and I were not getting along, so homelife fueled my fury.

Anger management was an unknown concept to me.  I wish someone… anyone had told me that I was over-reacting to situations.  I wish someone had told me that there was a better way to resolve conflicts.  If someone you know tries to talk to you about your behavior, please don’t be angry with them.  They are talking to you because they care about you. I encourage you to listen.

One particular day, I was mad as heck at an ex-boyfriend. He cheated on me, and I had decided to teach him a lesson.  Thankfully my cousin stopped me from doing something foolish that would have changed the course of my life forever.  You may not be as lucky as I was, so I want to encourage you to learn to make better choices.

If you are angry, you probably have good reasons to be mad.  However, you MUST find a positive way to sort through and to release your anger.

You have options.

Who do you trust? A coach, parent, counselor, sibling, teacher, mentor, or other family members.  There has to be someone.  If you don’t feel like you can talk to your parent(s), most schools have resources to help you and are waiting for you to ask for help.  In most cases, they won’t know you need help until you ask for it.  Give it a try.

I do want to tell you about my secret coping strategy.  It’s meditation, and it works.  Don’t knock it until you try it.

Meditation involves deep breathing and will help to calm and quiet your mind.  I know it sounds crazy, but it really is a drug-free solution to relieve stress and defuse your anger.

You can meditate anywhere… in the classroom, before an exam, in the cafeteria, during gym, on the bus, before school, or somewhere else you think of. My point is, it works.  Please try it.

If you have a smartphone, below are my three favorite apps.  Insight Timer is the newest one, and it’s FREE.

The Relax & Rest app costs around $2.99. If you need to get your parent/guardian permission before purchasing, please do so.

The Calm app is free, but once you use it, there are options, to buy additional features.  Don’t bother buying the added features, the FREE options are good enough.

For each app, you decide how much time you have to meditate and select the time that is best for you.   The apps will walk you through the process, which is called “guided meditation.”

If you can, try meditating before school.  If that’s not feasible, find a good time, even if it’s only 15 minutes and make it a daily practice. I assure you it will make a difference in your day and your life.

If you have questions or would like help getting started, complete the contact me form and I help you. Perhaps I can create a YouTube video for you…
The point of this post is to offer you healthier options for you to cope with stress and anger.

Unfortunately, we live in unforgiving times. As a youth, bad choices don’t just disappear. They can follow you throughout your life.  I would hate for you to do something terrible that will adversely change your life and limit your future options.

I was lucky.  Some of you may not be as lucky as I was. Remember this quote:

Anger doesn’t solve anything,

it builds nothing,

but it can destroy everything.

Any thoughts? Please click here and share your thoughts.  I would love to hear from you. 🙂


Ms. T.



Welcome Teens!

This blog is for YOU!  Yes… you.  Welcome!

I planned to have this site published by August.  Whelp!  Y’all know about plans, so I’m not going to spend time explaining.

The good news is, My Passion For Teens (mp4Teens) is live!

I’m Ms. Tanya. To learn more about me, click on the about me link  If you formally knew me as Ms. Cain and you would rather call me that… it’s okay, I just want to hear from you.

This page is meant to be interactive and cannot succeed without your comments.  Over the upcoming months, this page will continue to evolve as I will add helpful and informative resources.  If you like a post, “like” it and “share” it with your friends. Notice mypassion4Teens has an Instagram page, please follow my page.

For starters, I want to know, how are doing in school?  Don’t blow this off and say you’re doing “alright” when you’re not.  I’m here to help you.

Write down the answer to the questions below:

  1. What are your goals for the current school year?
  2. Are your actions helping you accomplish your goals? If not why?
  3. Are you passing all of your classes? If no, what class and why?

Enter your responses to the questions here.

Everything you share is always confidential. If you are contemplating suicide or hurting someone, morally I must report that.  Other than, let’s get this party started!